Changing bad habits is hard. We’ve all tried to quit something, maybe sugar, procrastination or smoking, only to find ourselves slipping back into old patterns. But what if we could make it easier just by changing how we talk about bad habits? That’s exactly what we’ll explore today.

Why Change Feels So Difficult

We all dream of improving our weak areas, yet our behaviors become so ingrained that change seems impossible. Have you ever had that moment when you decided, Enough is enough, I’m stopping this bad habit right now!?

Take smoking, for example, one of the hardest habits to quit because of its addictive nature. You might last a week or two without cigarettes, but those days feel awful because your body still craves nicotine. Your brain associates smoking with relaxation and an escape from stress. If you’ve tried quitting, you know just how exhausting the process can be.

The same applies to other bad habits like overeating, biting nails, or procrastinating. When a behavior is deeply ingrained, trying to eliminate it all at once feels like an uphill battle. The frustration of failing repeatedly only reinforces the habit, making it even harder to stop.

The Problem with ‘Breaking’ Bad Habits

When we say we’re going to break a habit, it implies that a single burst of effort will be enough. If you snap a twig, it’s broken in one motion. But if you tell yourself that breaking a bad habit is just about pushing hard once, you’ll find yourself struggling every single day. The effort needed to resist old habits constantly drains your energy, and sooner or later, most people give up.

Habits are not single actions but behavioral patterns. Saying you’ll break a bad habit suggests that once you stop, it’s gone forever. However, if you’ve ever tried quitting something, you know that habits often creep back because they are part of a larger pattern in your life.

Why ‘Untangling’ Bad Habits is More Effective

Now, imagine a pair of tangled headphones. Pulling hard on them won’t fix the mess, in fact, it might make things worse. Instead, you need to start with the easiest knot, slowly working through the tangle until the headphones are free.

This is exactly how bad habits work. They are a web of small, connected behaviors. Instead of trying to quit all at once, you need to start with the smallest and easiest part of the habit to change. Once that’s untangled, you move on to the next.

By seeing habit change as an untangling process, you reduce the pressure of trying to quit all at once and instead take a more strategic, long-lasting approach.

How to Untangle a Bad Habit (Instead of Breaking It)

Let’s use smoking as an example. If you smoke 10 cigarettes a day, quitting cold turkey is extremely difficult. But if you untangle the habit, you’ll start by identifying the easiest cigarette to remove, not the hardest. Maybe the one you smoke before work is the easiest to skip. You remove that one first. Then, after adjusting, you move on to the second easiest. Over time, you untangle the entire habit without the overwhelming pressure of quitting all at once.

The same strategy applies to other habits. If you’re trying to stop eating junk food, instead of eliminating all unhealthy snacks, start by removing one type, like soda or even just lowering the amount of sodas. Once that becomes easy, move on to the next. This gradual process makes habit change more manageable.

Untangling vs. Breaking: Setting Yourself Up for Success

This approach is simple but powerful. Of course, it’s not easy, willpower and motivation still play a role, but by shifting your mindset from breaking to untangling, you set better expectations. Behavior change is a process, not a one-time event, and this shift in perspective makes success more likely. Another benefit is when you attempt to break a habit and fail, you might feel like you’ve lost all progress. But when you see it as untangling, setbacks become part of the process rather than failure.

Remember:

• View habits as tangled headphones.
• Start with the easiest knot, not the hardest.
• Progress gradually, rather than overwhelming yourself with an all-or-nothing approach.

Next time you want to break a bad habit, try untangling it instead. Pick the easiest part to change and work from there. Now, go untangle some bad habits and take control of your behavior, one step at a time!